Pretty Boy done me wrong.

As I write this, I sit here in my chair just shaking my head. This hasn't been the greatest day. Not the worst, either, but not the greatest. Irritated would be the best and most accurate word to describe me. I've got stuff going on every way you look. The holidays are over (thank you Lord) and I had a day or two to rest. This morning I got up motivated to work only to be met with several obstacles. I muddled through the day with the best attitude I could find.

When I got to school I found out even more irritating news that makes my daily life even more difficult, with yet more flaming hoops I must jump through like a trained circus pig. Whatever, that's another note.

But, I digress...

After I arrived safely home, discussed all of my woes with the hubby, told him what I want HIM to do about it, etc. I decided to go outside and spend a few moments with my true love. It is super-freezing-cold out there and Apache's been standing in the barn nealy 24 hours snuggled up in his blanket. This is hard for a horse with ADHD. He has trouble being still for shoes, much less 24 hours. And the bad news is... its going to be even colder tonight, which means another day of confinement.

I'm feeling a little bad for him, so I decided to slip outside while I had a few minutes of daylight and take him for a stroll. Just me and him - no one would be the wiser. On my way out the door, Dusty says "you going to feed the horses?"

"yes."

"Want some Help?"

"sure."

Really, am I gonna say no? Off we go to the barn, just me and Dusty. Instead of scooping feed, I got Apaches' bridle and began putting it on him. (sorry about the icy bit) Dusty freaks and says "you riding???" (here's your sign) "yes. Get on Sarge and come with me."

She grabs a bridle and puts it on him, then looks at me kinda puzzled. "you taking his blanket off?". "nope."

OK, so we're going for a quick ride with no saddles, just winter blankets...in the WIND... Living on the edge. It's how I roll.

It took us a good five minutes and some awesome teamsmanship to get ON those suckers, and you would have busted a gut laughing, so I'll skip that part. Suffice it to say I'm not 16 anymore.

Finally, we're on, moving out up the driveway for our quick ride. Just enough to get their legs stretched, smell the fresh air, and work out the stiffness. Maybe to the mailbox and back?

Knowing me, you realize I'm going to stop at the logs and jump them first. We jumped the small one - kind of a jump/buck combo. Interesting. Sassy. ok.

Set up for the big one... and my mind flashes to the winter blanket and the dangly straps underneath, and the wreck that could come from any slight miscalculation....

I said it was a flash. My mind ended up squarely on "screw it, lets do it."

Apparently I was much more willing to jump the log than Apache was. But he's a good faker.

99% of me jumped the log, 47% of him did. You do the math, it wasn't pretty. We recovered, discussed it, and again our numbers were off.

I must get SOME DEGREE smarter with age because I eventually opted to trust the horses judgement just for tonight.

Remember, we were going to the mailbox? Remember Dusty's riding too? Well, for a while she's just sitting on Sarge and watching us with a puzzled look. So off we go on toward the mailbox. Across the arena which is a little soft from the rain, kinda muddy in spots and this awesome little onion-weed that Apache really, really LOVES... (he's weird like that)

When we got to the alley, the deepest part, that slopes down to the driveway...mind you, comPLETELY without notice or forethought, the following scene develops in microseconds.

I'm riding along at a walk, swingin my legs like a 2 year old on a pony, talking to Dusty who's doing the same. All of a sudden, Apache dives to the ground face first, does this weird sort of yoga pose that looks like "downward facing dog" (google that) with his face flat out chin-first in the dirt.

Now that I have no horse underneath me, and my feet are in the dirt, my butt just inches from his ears... I have a genius revelation.

THIS JOKER IS GONNA ROLL.

Micro-seconds tick by as I come to a clear understanding of what we're doing here. He's been in this itchy blanket all day, and I've brought him out to the deepest, softest dirt because I love him so much. Thanks mom!!!

Realizing this, I made the executive decision to get out of his way. I've seen his rolling ability up close. He's not particularly talented. It's not pretty. I gotta go.

So, I have one foot on each side of his FACE in the dirt, on the sloping edge of the slippery, muddy arena, and I try to step off gingerly and move along out of the path of destruction. It was, in fact, a genius plan...almost.

He saw me. With his eyeballs. That were directly under my ASS.

I guess he thought I was going to sit on him, because he jumped up with all the "hell no you AINT" you can imagine, boosted me into the air by my butt like any unfortunate rodeo clown you've ever seen.

High.

And I landed eventually, at a spin, on my post-surgical knee. And then, I proceeded to roll down the hill - much to Dusty's delight and amazement.

You absolutley must be wondering what happened next. What did Apache do? Any guesses? Anybody???? Did he run away bucking and farting? Nope. He stood there looking like the entire event was my fault, but he appreciated the onion thingys.

Now, I'm sitting here with an ice pack on my knee... Thinking about how my true love done me wrong. All I can think about is Hee Haw. What was that song? "Gloom, despair and agony on me...if it weren't for bad luck I'd have no luck at all..."

Hee haw.

We'll do it again tomorrow. And I'll be ready.